Where's my white robe and hood?
Apparently, I have engaged in hate speech:
At 4:35 PM, April 21, 2006, Anonymous said...
Robbie dear, this is a *public* infertility blog, and, as such, I feel that hate speech is inappropriate. I would react the same way if you were attacking Hispanic immigrants for "stealing" your job or rich people
for inheriting money.
Your anger is justified, but it is misdirected and dangerous.
The earlier comment from this poster on my answering machine post below (as far as I can tell; of course, when your name is "Anonymous" it's kind of hard to know whether earlier comments belog to you as well) was merely a snarky quip along the lines of "Guess I'll never talk to any infertiles again!" to which I basically responded that this was my safe venting space, and this is the type of stuff she should expect to read.
Now, I'm not about to claim that I was exactly making nice, loving comments about the Teeming Fertiles. But I hardly think anything I wrote rose to the level of "hate speech," and I resent being accused of such. Nor do I think that Anonymous has a clear grasp of what constitutes hate speech (hint: it sure as hell would not include political debate about immigration law or inhertance taxes).
I know, I know: don't feed the trolls. But since when do I obey the rules?
Back to the general topic on hand...we've been having some difficulty getting in touch with Rabbi Spock. Our next RE appointment (and injectibles lesson) is in two days, and my period (well, birth-control-induced withdrawal bleed) should arrive on Friday or Saturday. We have a whole bunch of halachic issues we'd like to address before this appointment, and R' Spock has not been great about returning phone calls. For...the past two weeks. But I also would rather not find another rav (that we're both comfortable with) and bring him up to speed on our situation, and hope that we don't end up with a bunch of too-strict answers because New Rav is not familiar with what we in particular have been through before.
And it totally doesn't help that I'm in Hell Week at work, and I'm already stressed enough as it is about having to start shooting up in my belly and getting some lovely dye pushed through my piping.
Labels: the blogosphere
posted by Robber Barren at 11:43 AM
comments (12)
If I might speak for other clueless fertile people (which I probably can't, but let's pretend): I'm so sorry! I interpreted the original comment the way I would have meant it: "Oh, no, I've probably said or done some of those well-meaning but inappropriate things referenced in your "answering machine message," and I didn't realize how hurtful it was, and now I'd better watch my step among all my friends who don't have a household of children, just in case!" But it seams you were right, that it was meant in a snarky way.
Yes you took your blog "public," but as I understand it, an infertility blog is considered a place to vent among those who will understand (ie, other infertiles, past, present and future) so that you can respond with equanimity in real life when someone makes a careless comment that unintentionally hurts you.
I've seen hate speech directed at fertiles online, it does exist, but it doesn't come from you. Far from it, you go out of your way to be nice to those of us who may visit your blog, even if we make stupid comments (*blush*) comparing things that truly shouldn't be compared. You've complained about not feeling joy for other's pregnancies, because you really are a very nice person, and you want to feel joy rather than jealousy.
At least, that's how you come across on-line. And FWIW, I found the answering machine post amusing, in a sad sort of way. Well, except some of the "step into traffic" part, because the net result would be orphans. Someday you'll welcome the opportunity to complain about your own children, God willing. But when you do, you'll think twice about who you're complaining to, and I'll try to do the same now. That part, I get.
If I might clarify: A "public" infertility blog is a place to vent, a place to share, a place to comisserate and a place to ask advice, of others in your or similar situations. But the venting was the relevant part, and that's what you were doing. And not in a hateful spiteful way at all.
And FWIW, I found the answering machine post amusing, in a sad sort of way. Well, except some of the "step into traffic" part, because the net result would be orphans.
Mwhahahaha! That's all part of the master plan, see? Then we can adopt the little buggers!
(Alert to the clueless: that was a joke.)
Heh. Yeah, I'm guessing it was the "step into traffic" part that set Anonymous off.
Actually, Anon, I think it's your indignation that is misdirected. "I would react the same way if you were attacking Hispanic immigrants for 'stealing' your job or rich people for inheriting money"? There might be infertile women out there who are angry at people who have children, simply for their ability to have children. But Robbie is not one of them.
I can vouch for this, being about to pop with twins myself right now, and the lucky recipient of a visit from Robbie just a few days ago. She didn't throw me into traffic once. ;)
What Robbie was expressing anger at was people who have children and then say hurtful things to her about it. See the difference?
And her reaction may seem to you over the top, but I suggest that before you make moral judgments about that, you think about whether wounding an infertile person right where it hurts might possibly be a bigger deal than you realized.
Well, having just had my own painful fertile people encounters...I guess I need to scrutinize the post in which I wrote about it to make sure I didn't include any "hate speech", huh?
To totally repeat the point Beth already made, I think everyone here knows or should know that complaints and dark humor about fertiles only reflect infertiles' own pain. It's not a hate thing; we don't literally want people who conceive easily to step into traffic and die. We just want what they have, and it hurts.
Maybe it's because I'm infertile, but I still can't see where there was any type of hate-speak. I mean, I'm guessing it was the message (which I thought was hysterical), but does Anonymous not understand that this is an infertility blog? We infertiles must play nicely with fertiles in the real world--on our blogs, we get to say the things we sometimes want to say but don't because we are generally nice people. And we recognize that going around saying these things to people in real life would be bad, because we know what is socially acceptable. So we do it on our blogs, and it makes it easier to deal with fertility when it smacks us in the face.
And how cowardly to stand behind an Anonymous. Just sad.
Robbie, I hope you are able to get in touch with your rav quickly and sort out the halachic issues. Good luck with the injectibles lesson--I hope they are a better success than the Clomid!
Okay, I'm new to this infertility thing, but I didn't see anything wrong with your comments at all!! If people don't like what you are writing, they don't have to visit your blog. And it is, after all just that. Your blog.
Oh, crossing my fingers for a return phone call!!
Quick update - we did speak with R' Spock last night. So you can all stop crossing your fingers (how ironic!) now. Substantial post to follow...at some point.
I know, I know: don't feed the trolls. But since when do I obey the rules?
Dear, dear, Robbie - now look what you've started :)
although, maybe, just maybe, your troll now has an overstuffed stomach from all the over-feeding and will quietly crawl into a cave, never to be seen again. One can hope . . .
{{ phone call! phone call!! }}
(those are vibes directed at Rabbi Spock, in case there was any question)
I don't understand the trolls. Why do they come to our blogs, why do they bother? It's like throwing an egg at somebody's house and running. How lame!
I hate insensitive fertiles (not all fertiles, just skanky, insensitive ones). I hate trolls. I hate people who don't call you back when they said they would/you need them to. I hate infertility.
There. Now THAT is hate speech.
About the hate speech thing. Youa re absolutely right. If I said, "My friend is annoying me because she doesn't have a clue about having a kid with a birth defect," anon would probably think that was hate speech. Anything remotely disagreeing with another's point of view is now hate speech?
Interesting...
Just found your blog, and love it. I have a 14 month old and yes, I am getting worried because it has been 3 months since we have been trying again, and nothing...shoot me now. :) Be nice, I am learning.
It hasn't been an easy road for us, just...well, different...
I love your blog.
Speak up!
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