Choice Words From the Spouse
To his sister, describing Clomid's side effects: "Yeah, there are some emotional issues: moodiness, crankiness, over-reacting to small problems. Just like the usual Robbie, but...worse."
To me: "The mood swings are caused by the extra estrogen in your system, right? So, this is just your feminine side coming out!"
(no, you're not imagining things; this part was added later)
The mood swings have been worse this go-around. After Thursday's outburst, I figured I was done for this cycle. No such luck. I spent most of Friday in a funk (not helped by the "stop your Clomid" instructions). When I got home from work, I decided to rush and put up a pan of cookie bars (like chocolate chip cookies, but in brownie form) before Shabbat, because for some reason I was certain that the one pan of brownies I'd already made the night before would be woefully insufficient for the two guests we were having for lunch. Brownies, and also a pound of strawberries. With sour cream. Definitely not enough dessert.
So I frantically melted and measured and mixed, and slopped the batter into a pan, and stuck the pan into the oven on the bottom shelf beneath all the other food, stupidly forgetting that baked goods should always always always go into the center of the oven. And there was just barely enough time for them to bake before the start of Shabbat, but I figured things would be fine. And since of course there was so much time to go (we're talking twenty minutes, people, and I'm still standing there in my work clothes with my badge around my neck), I decided to make a caramel topping for the cookie bars. So...more measuring, and stirring and cooking. Also, steaming vegetables on the next burner, all the while I'm on the phone with Nurse Space Cadet, who is rescheduling my ultrasound and blood draw. And of course the topping is not cooking fast enough, and we didn't have enough vanilla extract, and I peeked in on the cookie bars which of course were not rising properly or turning brown on top or anything but did I move them to the middle shelf? No.
And finally I gave up on whipping the topping and just dumped it all into a bowl to cool, and I ran to get dressed with only minutes to spare, and the cookie bars had to come out of the oven even though they clearly were not "done." And somewhere in there I just lost it, and ended up a weepy screaming mess curled up on the living room rug, insisting that Ezra had to light candles for Shabbat because I just was not in a mental state to do so. And keep in mind this is all happening with just minutes to spare, so not a really good time to waste time arguing about all this.
In the end I managed to calm down enough to light and say the blessing, but then I ran off too bed and needed another ten minutes before I could even get up to put on my shoes (it's a good thing we were going to a "late" service). Ezra's commentary? I'll never win a medal in the Speed-Cooking Olympics.
Oh, and the underdone cookie bars - covered with a thin, poured-on layer of unwhipped topping - are quite delicious.
My first monitoring date for this Clomid round has been moved up from Thursday to Wednesday. I'm not banking on seeing any worthwhile ovarian action.
Obviously we don't know what the next step is going to be, medically, if the Clomid doesn't work out this time. Given the emotional effects I've been experiencing, and the clinic's very strong reaction to my visual disturbances, I don't know how comfotable I'll feel taking Clomid again at 100 mg or higher (and 50 mg did nothing for me). A couple of people have suggested Letrozole, and I'll ask about it, but I have a feeling that it will do nothing for me besides put off the inevitable. I'm not afraid of needles, and conceptually I like the tighter control that injectibles give you. Of course, deep in my heart, I'm pretty sure we're not getting a kid until we go through at least one IVF round...
...which leads me to that question that Jill brought up: why bother with injectibles and IUI at all, when IVF has a much better chance of success?
Um, I hope you weren't expecting some long philosophical response to that question. I have no idea. How's about you answer it? And, while you're at it, get me some chocolate.
Labels: Clomid Monster
posted by Robber Barren at 7:20 PM
comments (8)
Hang in there.
The emotional roller coaster of TTC...
~L
I have loads of chocolate. We should have a chocolate party.
How many RE's will actually go along with skipping IUIs I wonder?
My friend (newly PG after a cancelled IVF turned IUI) tells me IVF is very demanding, physically and emotionally. IUIs are easier to deal with.
I'm even considering whether I should go straight for IUI with injections or ask my doctor to do 1 or 2 cycles with just injectibles and natural insemination (aka s.e.x).
Oh, I don't think I'd bother with injectibles + sex alone. Doesn't seem worth the money and emotional investment.
hmm. No advice here. I was told to go directly to IVF, do NOT pass IUI.
If my cookie bars were not rising i'd be a weeping mess too. There's nothing worse than ruined baked goods...glad they turned out to be delicious just the same.
Like Mindy, we chose to do a single injectibles/IUI as a practice run for IVF. I had already flunked Clomid and letrozole, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't a poor responder before throwing Lupron into the mix. My RE was also concerned about finding the right balance between under and overstimulation, given that I had a lot of antral follicles. We also had no male factor to contend with, so we got the nod to do IUI, even though my clinic tends to go straight to IVF.
As it turned out, I got pregnant (with twins) off that first IUI, so it was a good gamble for us. I also developed OHSS, which would have been even more severe with IVF, because they try to produce more mature eggs. I had 4-6 mature follicles, which is a lot for IUI but would be a relatively poor response for IVF; if I had had 15-20 mature follicles, I would have been much sicker. With PCOS, OHSS is definitely something you should factor in.
The other thing to consider with IUI is that you are much more likely to get high-order multiples. With IVF, you know you'll most likely get no more babies than the number of embryos transferred (although identical twins are possibly slightly more common with IVF, so it's possible to transfer two and get triplets). However, with IUI, they're never really sure how many follicles are actually going to release eggs; I feel like we're very lucky that it's "only" twins and not triplets or quads, because we definitely risked it. I would not do an IUI unless you're very clear on the risks of multiples (including twins) and have thought through the issue of selective reduction for supertwins.
As others have written in their comments, there are considerable psychological advantages to slow escalation, aka iui injectible cycles before IVF.
On the other hand, injectibles are a serious business. Because of their relatively recent development, the effects over a lifetime of having played with one's body can be theorized about, but have they yet truly been seen? (For a sobering moment read the legal release you have to sign. Of course by their nature those things are typically extreme).
That creates an argument for minimizing the number of injectible cycles. The best way to do that is to maximize the likelihood of their success by jumping straight to IVF.
I'm pretty committed to avoiding IVF because I don't think I could handle the emotional let-down if it didn't work--and even if things are perfect, there's still a bigger chance of it not working.
IUI's don't really seem so much different to me than what we're already doing. It just gives those swimmers a little less distance to travel. So it seems like a less emotionally-charged procedure than IVF.
Speak up!
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