Dilemmas
Wow, a non-Shabbat day when I'm not waiting for a phone call from a nurse. It's quite disorienting. Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't have IF-related stuff to obsess about. On the contrary, I have two important issues to ponder, and your collective input would be highly valued.
The first, more practical, concern involves this coming weekend. I still have little sense of when (if ever) I will ovulate this cycle, but I'd guess there's a pretty significant chance I'll be ready for a trigger shot on Friday night. That means a Sunday morning/midday ovulation, and a correspondingly-timed IUI. Except...I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding on Sunday. Said wedding is about three hours away. And pictures start at 11 AM. I've tried hinting around the issue of whether the world will fall apart if I'm not there for all of pictures, but the bride isn't biting. (She knows about our IF and that I'm in a treatment cycle, but does not know specifically that insemination on Sunday may be an issue.) She just repeats that pictures start at 11, with group shots of the bridesmaids helping her get ready. Of course, I won't know for sure about the trigger shot until Friday (though I suppose that if I still don't have any measurable follicles tomorrow, and for sure if I don't have any on Thursday, it's a safe bet I won't be triggering this week). So I'm going to sweat all this out, and then maybe have it turn out to be for naught after all. The problem (yes, yes, I'm getting to it): if I do trigger on Friday night, should we skip the IUI (opting instead for lots and lots of, well, the other method) so I can be there for my friend, or should we do the IUI, knowing for sure that I'll miss the start of pictures, possibly all of pictures, and maybe even the ceremony (which, um, really I'd rather not do)?
Ezra favors the second option - IUI only slightly ups our chances, Dr. Quixotic doesn't think IUI is really necessary, and it's not worth upsetting two close friends and possibly destroying the friendship over. I understand what he's saying, but on the flip side how will I be able to handle getting a negative after opting out of the IUI, knowing that the only reason I did so was to be able to pose in a silly dress and too much makeup?
(Related question: How much flexibility is there in trigger-shot day? I'm guessing "not much," but any insight would be appreciated. If the ultrasound and bloodwork on Friday show mature follicles, is there any chance they'll let me trigger on Saturday night instead for a Monday insemination? Probably not, right?)
The other concern involves the people who read this blog. Specifically, the people who read this blog, know me in person, and have figured out who I am (because, let's face it, to people who know me it's pretty damn obvious). Or, even more specifically, the people in that group who have let slip (inadvertently, I'm sure) that they read this blog. People who use phrases obviously gleaned from this site; people who let on that they know more about my cycle than I'm telling them. I've already stated that I don't want to know about stuff like that, but the truth is that I can't keep playing this game forever (much as I would like to), and I can't really expect my friends to do so either.
But...what to do? Call amnesty and tell the real-life friends to reveal themselves? Issue strict orders that anyone who thinks she recognizes me must stop reading altogether? (Not that I can enforce that, obviously.) I don't want to start censoring what I write here more than I already do, and I sure as hell don't want to stop blogging. But I also don't want a bunch coincidentally-timed "How are you doing?" phone calls when I get bad news, and I really don't want to feel as if I can't post beta results (if we ever get to that point) lest some casual acquaintance know about my (potential) pregnancy before even the prospective grandparents find out.
Oh, and the biggie? Posting about these people themselves. Even writing out this post has been difficult, because I want to avoid embarrasing a couple of (suspected) readers, but other posts have definitely referred directly to such readers, or people they know, and...well, this is my blog. I express frustration and disappointment and resentment here, so that it doesn't spill over into the rest of my world and poison the friendships that I treasure. But what good does it do me if, in the end, those friends find it all out anyway?
Labels: Inj/IUI
posted by Robber Barren at 1:05 PM
comments (10)
Hmm, those are both tough ones. For the first, I would say, what is going to cause you the least amount of stress? I know that it is incredibly hard to even think of forgoing any procedure that might increase the odds even a little. But at the same time, will it be more crazy-making than it's worth to you to be rushing from the IUI (how early in the AM can your doc do this, btw?), speeding down the highway while struggling into pink tulle, stressing about being late (especially if you risk missing the ceremony)? Or are you willing to go through some logistical stress to spare yourself the "if only" stress down the road?
Also, is your friend the drama-queen, "it's MY DAY!" type who will throw a hissy fit and "destroy [your] friendship" if you're late, or is she the more laid-back type who'd be like, hey, no problem, we'll take pictures after the ceremony too? (At my wedding, one of the groomsmen showed up as the ceremony was about to start--two hours late. I let it go, but plenty of brides would have lost their shit.) I ask not for her sake, but for yours--again, will it be worth the stress?
And I hate to bring this up, but...yes, it would be awful to get a negative after skipping the IUI, but it would also be awful to get a negative after having done the IUI and missed part of your friend's day.
All that said...whatever you decide will be the right choice.
I don't really have anything helpful to say about the second problem...as you know, I'm super paranoid about protecting my identity, and I don't know what I'd do if someone in real life discovered my blog.
(PS--I already wrote a novel here, but just wanted to say I did also write a supportive comment on your previous post, which Blogger seems to have eaten.)
9 AM, I think.
Red chiffon.
And, yeah, Blogger sucks like that.
Once the trigger shot is done, you will ovulate in approx 36 hours. Your IUI schedule is based on that trigger shot. I would suggest asking your dr. about suppressing your ovaries if he thinks the trigger will more than likely be on Friday. An inj of antagon (which we used in IVF) will do this, but suppression is not ideal in an IUI.
If you decide to forego the IUI, know that well-timed sex will be imperitive, which means sex PRIOR to ovulating. Say, Friday and Sunday a.m. Sunday nite may not be enough time for hubby's ej*culate to produce much useful sperm if you have sex in the a.m.
And since I don't have much to offer as far as your second dilemma, I'll add that both my IUIs left me pretty crampy and bloated for the day so even if you make it to the wedding, prepare yourself with some ibuprofin.
That is a hard decision. I would choose #1 - trying to hold off on the trigger shot (they might for one day) or #2 - do it like rabbits, mostly just cause it's fun.
I don't have any real advice, I have never done IUI. I just hope this all works out for you.
Tough questions. Keeping in mind that I have no IUI experience (until next cycle), if your RE doesn't think IUI is necessary, then I'd opt for lots of old-fashioned sex. You don't have to worry about ruining the wedding pictures or your own enjoyment of the wedding itself (because a bridesmaid should be having fun also, despite the red chiffon ;-) ). If they could push the trigger back a day without a problem, then I'd do that but otherwise, I wouldn't try to do suppression or anything like that. Just 'cause.
As far as readers who know you, I do the same thing, except that I know several people in person who read my blog because they've told me. To be fair, they did ask if I minded if they read it and promised not to if I had a problem with it. But I do find myself editing some things that I would otherwise write because they're not really things that I'd want them to know.
On the plus side, while those coincidental phone calls can be hard, I had a friend who brought me a lovely little gift basket with lotion for foot rubs, a copy of "Conquering Infertility", and a selection of gourmet chocolates once when I'd posted about feeling really down and having a hard time coping. It made me feel a little better to know that I'm not alone online or IRL.
The only people that I absolutely do not want reading my blog are family members of either my family or J's. If any of them ever found it, I would password-protect or stop blogging.
See, I was so convinced sex was useless, that it would clearly have been worse than anything my friend could dish out for me to miss an IUI. But your medical factors & your feelings are different. I don't think anyone but you can answer that question: what sounds worse to you?
As for the second question, it won't help friends learning your beta before family does, but now that you've written this... at least your friends will know not to make those coincidental phone calls?
After I triggered, I had two IUIs...one the morning after my trigger and one the morning after. If you do trigger on Friday, would it be possible to do your IUI on Saturday and then have sex on Sunday to cover all your bases? If not, then I would actually choose the no IUI route. Since your problem is with ovulation, the IUI may be pretty minimal in increasing your chances, and the fact that you'll be extra stressed and running around all day after the IUI won't help either. Then again, I completely understand that you would want to increase your chances as much as possible, in which case getting the IUI on Sunday might give you much more peace of mind. Ugh, sorry if this is completely unhelpful!
As for #2, hopefully, writing this post will at least alert these lurkers so they know to respect your privacy or at least be discreet?
No real thoughts on #1 other than to ask your RE ... my office times the trigger so that most IUIs are done around noon. If you have a special circumstance, I don't see why they can't change the trigger time to accomodate your schedule.
On #2 - you can always move your blog. Not the most fun solution, but I've done it. I've been blogging since 2001, and am on my third blog. I set up an anonymous email address and announced I was moving - and told people to email me if they wanted the new blog address. My regular readers are also commenters, so I knew who they were. A few lurkers contacted me and I gave them the address. As far as I know, the people who read blogs #1 and #2 that I didn't want around haven't been able to find #3. Complicated, yes. But my anonymity is paramount. Other than my husband and ONE friend, no one I know "in real life" reads my blog. Period. I didn't even give the address to my psychologist!
well, this is my blog. I express frustration and disappointment and resentment here, so that it doesn't spill over into the rest of my world and poison the friendships that I treasure. But what good does it do me if, in the end, those friends find it all out anyway?
Well, if they're friends, they'll just hide behind the supposed anonymity and pretend you weren't talking about them. . . but take the message anyway, in an "if the shoe fits . ." manner.
Like anything else, right? If they don't like what you write, they don't need to read.
As far as them not *knowing*, that's got to be your call.
And as far as the wedding and IUI, I'd say if Ezra & Dr. Q both like the no IUI option, have fun enjoying your weekend :) because I'd agree with electriclady; if you do IUI and miss the whole wedding, and it doesn't take, you'll be mighty ticked.
{{{hugs}}}
For the first one... I would think holding off on triggering for a day would be a possibility. Otherwise go with the bunny analogy.
As for the second one... that's even tougher. One real life friend has my blog address... otherwise I don't believe that anyone else does. I've found it hard to vent about her when I really really wanted to. I've done so in a roundabout way that leaves the perpetrator anonymous. I don't know that she's "gotten" that I was talking about her or not. She hasn't mentioned it. I think you've been very clear that if people think they know who you are you don't want to know. You could move your blog and ask people to email you for the address... or you could just go on. Ultimately you have to do what makes YOU most comfortable. If your anonymity is paramount then I'd go with the move or password protected. Just my thoughts.
Speak up!
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