Faking It
That's it. I suck. I just faked
So much for not being resentful.
posted by Robber Barren at 10:22 PM
comments (11)
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
So much for not being resentful.
Just another Orthodox Jewish woman entering the world of infertility blogs. The name of the game is PCOS, but I've been told the rules may change at any time.
Now - pregnant with twins.
I blog anonymously for a reason. You may think you know who I am, and you may very well be correct. However, I don't want to know about it. This blog is my "safe space" and I want to speak my mind here without accountability to friends and relatives. If that means that I end up insulting you on these pages, I'm sorry. Take comfort in the idea that you may be wrong about my identity after all. And, no, obviously "Ezra" is not my husband's real name.
Confident about my identity? Then let me make it clear: If you know me in person, if you would recognize me walking down the street, if you could name either of my children or either of my parents - if any of those apply to you - please stop reading.
Our journey is only one of many that Jewish couples may face in the course of infertility treatments. Our decisions may not be appropriate for your situation, and under no circumstances should you assume that our answers apply to your own questions. If halacha (Jewish law) is a concern for you on this journey, please consult a competent rabbi or yoetzet of your own choosing.
- Bouncing the Ball
- Dropping the Ball
- Privacy Update
- ...and yet, still I dream
- Scrambled Signals?
- I Have a Secret
- "Enjoy It While You Can"
- Just This Side of the River Styx
- The Search Continues
- The Third Wheel
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Robber Barren
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Robber Barren
i wish i could say something helpful. while we don't yet know if, despite the monthly cycles, i'm fertile and capable of carrying despite what my gyn says [yes, just crooked uterus, no problems] or not (all those years of birth control..) i really wish i could say or do something that would help. except that I've been there. and I've done that. and now i receive pictures of the children (the newborns, once they start walking and talking it isn't so hard) and have to gush over them. thankfully they keep doing this to me over email. I think I would ask for a hole to swallow me if i had to do it in person or over a voice connection of some sort.
yes, i'm currently choosing this route, but that choice doesn't uncomplicate my thoughts when i hear of easy pregnacies/timely marriages/full-term births ... hmm.
Much easier to fake an orgasm than pretend to be happy about someone else's pregnancy.
Please pray for me to get through this shabbos when I have guests who have a new baby. Ugh ugh ugh. Help.
I don't think people without fertility issues can understand how you're feeling right now at all. Don't hold yourself to a standard you made up a year ago - the person you were then didn't know what she was talking about. (No offense to her!)I've started to come to peace with the fact that I will feel sad, lonely, jealous, etc. when I hear about other people's reproductive successes. I do remind myself, though, that as much as other people's pregnancies and births make me sad, what other choice is there? Other people's infertility and miscarriages make me even sadder.
OK, stupid question:
while I can understand feeling "obligated" to sound happy, and while I can totally understand not truly being happy about someone else's news, what would you suggest?
Is there any way for the news to be shared that would be less painful? Would not being told be any better? Email instead of "isn't this exciting!" in person? Because I've seen too many posts of how "soon by you" doesn't generally get taken well, and being cut out of the loop feels like abandonment.
LC - I actually think that what happened was pretty close to perfect - a friend of the pregnant person in question letting us know over email/IM, we acknowledge it and move on. I don't want to be out of the loop, not at all. I don't even want people to expect me to not appear happy...what I want is to actually be happy, but I don't think I can have that.
wessel - I wouldn't know; I don't fake those. ;) But I'm prayin' for ya...
The problem is it depends from person to person and from day to day.
I prefer hearing it indirectly. It is more socially acceptable to react somewhat distant or cool towards the gobetween than towards the PG woman or partner.
Hearing it in the privacy of my home is better than in a public place or amongst a group of friends or relatives. Then I don't have to fear a breakdown.
I want all baby pics to be sent to my DH. He can show them to me when he knows I'm okay.
An IF book I read suggests IF women to tell friends and relatives how break the news to them. Of course, this isn't always practicable.
I don't think you suck for that. Given the whole IF thing, I think you're only human to not be happy for someone who is pg. Think we've all been there... probably on many occasions. It does suck.
H*ll, I've been not happy for myself upon learning I was pregnant. (You can hate me now. I got over it pretty quickly, though, my problem was with timing, not the pregnancy itself.)
As an online friend of mine said, if I knew that if I stopped having babies right now, an infertile woman could have one instead, I would! But sadly, it wouldn't help. So I'll try to keep in mind your advice on sharing the news.
Does it help to not be told until the third trimester anyway, so the baby comes pretty quickly after you know about the pregnancy?
I would really prefer it if the fertiles around me just refrained from getting pregnant at all. I guess that doesn't answer the question "how best to tell." But it would make me feel better.
Ugh, I've been faking it for several years now. shit.
I often don't even fake it - particularly at work. Although there is a part of me that IS happy for them. Just a bigger part of me that is sad for me.
Speak up!
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